PETE- Oh shit, shit, well listen anyway! We were touring up and down the country as a 70's glam rock tribute, you know doing working men’s clubs, Butlins holiday camps and stuff...
DUD- Aha.
PETE- ...and it well, was just about the time all the fuss about Gary Glitter first came out.
DUD- Ah, yes all the fuss. I remember the fuss - oops, where you doing Glitter covers?
PETE- Well not so much Glitter covers, as only mountain sized sheets of bacon foil could cover that fat cunt - well - we were on the road constantly and didn't have time to change the set list so, the GG covers weren't going down too well at the holiday resorts in front of the mums, dads and kiddies.
DUD- Teehee, I would have laughed my ass of at that sort of debacle. I find things like that entertaining and funny like my willy especially when people are offended en masse.
PETE- Well, well, as well you might Dud. Though the idea of your willy en masse, is well, a bit of a non-demur.
DUD- I’ve gone a bit Francais it would appear.
PETE- Oh fucking hell, merci, merci - mon poms de fucking terre, what a debacle, what a debacle, you fucking cunt... So after a spectacularly bad number, the singer thought it would be a good idea to get the kids back on side and prove to the mums and dads at Butlins, Minehead; that we weren't actually peddling real filth, just fake, middling ersatz filth.
DUD- Ooh, blimey; this is going to end in disaster I can tell.
PETE- Yes, well, it starts of sort of bad and gets a little worse and then slowly comes to a car crash of a, well climax is just really the wrong sort of word to be bandied about in this instance.
DUD- Well, it's very creme brulee.
PETE- Our next number was tiger feet oh yes, have you heard the song "tiger feet" - and there's two dances to it.
DUD- That's neat that's neat, I really love your tiger feet, of course I've blooming well heard of it.
PETE- The one dance where you kick your legs a bit, and the one where you bob your torso about like some deranged sea creature cunt with severe alcoholic poisoning.
DUD- I vaguely do know the moves from the Dagenham dancehalls, yes.
PETE- So the singer thought he's got to get the kids to do the separate dances to it.
DUD- (snigger)...I can see where this is headed.
PETE- Well he got the kids up on stage - and they just milled around and wouldn't form two separate groups.
DUD- As children wouldn't, they can be very contrary minded, when it suits them...
PETE- So any way he got well pissed off and shouted in his finest Yorkshire accent, resplendent in his finest shoulder-padded, sequinned, bedazzled and bejewelled Gary Glitter costume -
"Narr then youse kids, your gunno do what I tell you, 'cos I'm going to split you in half it's thae last thing I do!"